Mistake matters

The theme of mistakes and missteps as opportunities to grow and learn as a person and to teach and guide as a parent has come before me several times in recent days. When a common theme pops up on the road of life, I am learning that it is wise to slow down, take it in and listen to the whispers of God.

I am part of Better Together, a group of women that meets once a month for 3 plus hours. Our focus is on listening to God. Truth is I don’t regularly make a lot of room for that, and this sacred time has become an authentic oasis and retreat in the midst of the routine and busyness of life. Much of the morning is spent in silence – meditation, journaling, listening for God’s voice. There is a short devotional time and it was during this time that I was recently reminded that mistakes are opportunities for change, errors are educational and that in the midst of such times we are on holy and fertile ground. When I truly look at my own life, in hindsight, I know this to be true. Yet often mistakes and errors have evoked shame, been something to try and bury or hide, rationalize away or deflect onto someone else. Forgiving myself is sometimes a daunting challenge.

In the arena of parenting, times of misbehavior are also occasions for growth and change. I came into the parent world with a mentality that my role was to do all I could to minimize the missteps and fallings of my children. Too much of my own ego was wrapped up in their behavior and performance. Yesterday, thanks to Becky Bailey and her Conscious Discipline work, I was reminded that errors and mistakes are incredible opportunities to teach and guide our children. Honestly, that’s not typically my initial emotional reaction at such a time, but it is a mindset I desire to cultivate and increase. In response to the blunders of our children, some of us parents reach for the heavy-handed punitive style that teaches a child to feel shame or guilt, and some of us lean toward the permissive style that tries to rescue and save our children from feeling and facing the discomfort of their situation. And some of us do a great punitive/permissive combo. In reality, these times are ripe for growth and teaching if we can respond with empathy and wisdom.

I am learning that if I can be honest about and forgiving of my own errors and shortcomings, then I am in a much healthier space to offer the same to my children. Then times of mess ups and mistakes take on new meaning. One of the very first things I learned at Better Together was a meditation prayer mantra – breathe in and say “grace received”, breathe out and say “grace released”. This prayer has become a constant companion. With grace received I deeply embrace God’s forgiveness and grace and with grace released, I am offering that back to others. It is a profoundly satisfying place to live.